I Fuckin' Love You Guys....

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Yoyo! Let's give her a big hand....

Thank you ladies and gentlemen – it’s great to be back here at the Comedy Crib. How are you all doing today? What a great looking crowd! It’s especially nice to see all the newborns in the audience…I haven’t seen this much drool in one place since my Daddy gave up his subscription to the Playboy Channel…I tease the newborns –because they’re helpless….seriously though, I haven’t played such a toothless crowd since I did that show in Buford, Alabama…

Speaking of teething – if I seem a little out of sorts today, folks, it’s because I’m pretty sure I’m sprouting some frickin’ tusks up here…anybody else teething? I just don’t understand it…if we need teeth, why aren’t we just born with the damn things? It’s not as if we all came out like smooth little balls, and then started growing arms & legs and whatnot…although I’m sure the Mommies here wish we would have…am I right, Mommies? Teething is a bitch…as soon as I get these fangs in, I am gonna do some serious biting…

Who do we have here this afternoon? What’s your name, sir? Yeah, you – the chubby gentleman in the blue onesie – what’s your name? “Gah”? How are you doing today, Gah? What’s that shit all over the front of your suit, buddy? Did somebody spill that on you, or is that a DIY job? Hey, seriously though, it looks great on you…it makes you look a lot younger. Whoops – can we get a fresh nappy up here? I think this kid just shat himself…

Is this thing on? (taps mic) What is this, naptime? These are the jokes, kids!

Hey, what’s the deal with nursery rhymes? Have you ever really listened to these things? Who came up with these stories, anyway? Honestly: a small spider crawls up a drainpipe, gets washed back down by the rain, and starts back up again. That’s it. That’s the whole saga. Who wrote this piece of material, Shakespeare? And it’s not enough that the story is lame; they want you to do the thing with your hands over and over and over….do you ever get the feeling that they’re just trying to keep us busy? Trying to tire us out? Keep us too busy to figure out what’s really going on? There’s a conspiracy afoot, my friends…you gotta wonder what these adults are up to…

Hey listen, folks – my Mommy’s giving me that look, so I think my time’s just about up. You’ve been a great crowd, thanks a lot! Have a great afternoon, enjoy the rest of the show! Try the pureed veal!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Yoyo is back to her old self (mostly) after enduring some hellacious pain over the past two weeks as some new teeth come in. They haven't quite popped through yet, so there may be some more unpleasantness before we're through, but she's no longer in constant pain...which is nice.

Actually, she's even better than her old self, suddenly (it's amazing how kids make these quantum leaps when they are 15 or 16 months old). She's become quite the comedian. Or at least, a "dada absurdist". Granted, her routines are of the 16-month-old variety, and she's not likely to win the open mic night at the local comedy club just yet - but her timing is impeccable, and she has been cracking us (and herself) up pretty consistently in the past few days.

Most of her best routines revolve around her shoes - taking them off and trying to put them on mummy's feet, or putting them on Henry (her hippopatamus), or just putting them in unusual locations. And when Daddy takes off his stinky socks, it's like a prop-comic's dream: Yoyo runs around the house with them (to Mummy's absolute disgust & horror), and threatens all of her stuffed animals with stinky suffocation. She's also guaranteed to be reduced to fits of uncontrollable giggling if we happen to drop the word "poopy" into a sentence...

All of this is of course accompanied by constant, infectious laughter (hers and ours), and random bursts of high-pitched screams of delight (mostly hers).

So while her humour might be considered low-brow, and may not be everyone's cup of tea, to me her comedy conveys a sense of release, and an excess of energy which affords a sensation of liberation from layers of inhibition that social convention and taboos place against total bodily abandon; a liberation not only of the body, but one of the mind, and senses.... (ok, I stole that last bit from a review of Rae Beth Gordon's Why the French Love Jerry Lewis).

Anyway, the house is full of joy again. I hope your is too.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Oh, the pain of it all....

Teething, people. She's been in pain for about 10 days now, and it's breaking my heart. And keeping me up all sorts of crazy hours. And giving her a split personality. But mostly, it's hurting her, and I can't really do anything about it. We give her what we can give her, and tried the tea-towel-in-the-freezer thing, and everything else we've ever heard of or read on a blog...but she's just hurting. Poor little chook.
I know it will pass...I just hope it passes soon, so we can all get back to the love. And get some fucking sleep.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Tyranny of Distance

I was always very close to my younger brother, even though since I left home at 17 I've always lived at least a thousand miles from him (and usually much, much further). We didn't get to see each other often - a few days every few years - but we always managed to keep up a running conversation via e-mail, online chatting, and at least one long, funny phone call each month. He was the closest person in my life.

I was the best man at his wedding, and I love his wife - she is smart, and funny, and kind, and everything I could have wanted for my brother. Their two boys, who are about 4 and 3 years old now, are typical boisterous fun little kids, and I love them (from afar), too.

When he killed himself, I felt wrecked (to put it lightly). But with a beautiful baby girl to take care of, and a lovely wife to support (and support me), and a new house, and an important job....I've got too many things going on (and going for me) to fall apart completely.

But too often lately, I have been calling my sister-in-law (at odd hours, due to the 14 or 14 hour time difference) and I'm afraid I've been bothering her. She's been through a lot, and is managing to raise my nephews, and stay sane, and she is going out with a new guy, and basically trying to go on with her life. And these little chats with me are probably painful for her, and not very satisfying for me, either. I think I'm probably reaching out to her because I used to reach out to Mike, and even though he isn't there anymore, that's his family.

I don't know what the hell I'm blathering on about...I just feel sad.