IFLYG

Um...hello? Is this thing still on?

2010-08-19T06:21:00.000-07:00

Wow!

I had sort of forgotten about this blog...not that I was ever the most conscientious blogger or had thousands of loyal readers...but for a big (and pretty important) part of my life, I felt the need to reach out to the interwebs and feel like I was part of something.

Going through the trauma and giddiness of becoming a new parent; the drunken late-night soul-searching; the thrills of discovering that people in Scranton, Ohio and Utan Bator and wherever else in the world were following along with my random scribblings and getting that rush of "connectedness"; discovering that lots of those people thought I was sort of a douche-bag...good times....

I just finished scrolling through a bunch of my previous posts, and it was a strange experience.

It was nice, too. I should come here more often...

K

Tripping Without Acid

2007-11-21T05:34:00.000-08:00

I've discovered perhaps one of the finest psychotropic experiences ever:

Sit down with a two-year old.
Get a "Bananas in Pajamas" video.
Hit play.
Laugh at everything the kid laughs at.

After a few minutes, you'll find yourself on another plane of existence.

Trust me.

Whoa!

2007-10-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

Has it really been 2 months since I've posted anything on here?

I guess it's a good thing - I really have been too busy to bother. Living my life has definitely taken precedence. This is huge stuff for a "reflect-on-everything-before-taking-a-step" kind of guy like me....

Very high-level summary: working hard...playing hard....3,000 km's on my new bike....playing with my daughter as much as possible....

Life is good. Hope yours is too :)

More later...

Single Parenting...for a few days....

2007-08-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

We've been looking forward for months and months to attending the wedding of some very good friends on the beautiful central coast of New South Wales.

Unfortunately, since I have gone back to the wonderful world of contracting, if I don't work - I don't get paid. So while my lovely wife went back to Sydney a week early to spend some quality time with the friends & family, I had to stay back in Brisbane & work.

The good part is that I talked her into letting me hang with the kid, and catching up with her later. We have had the best time ever. We have been watching "A Shark's Tale" every night since Friday....we went to a local koala sanctuary and fed kangaroos and petted sheep....we went to the farmers' market & got heaps of good food....played at the park a dozen times....but mostly, have just hung out together and laughed and played games and cuddled....

I could never, in a million years, with anyone's vocabulary, express how much fun it is to hang with my little monkey. She's cute, too...

Been Busy

2007-07-17T03:32:00.000-07:00

OK - just to recap the last few weeks:

I got head-hunted by an associate, quit my cushy government job, and have started a new role as a contractor. It's heaps more $, totally out of my comfort zone, and I'm still trying to get my head around what they expect me to do. At the moment, it seems like everyone at the new gig is a million times smarter than me, but I'm hoping it's just a phase that I'll quickly get through....that, or I'll be looking for another job soon....

It'll have to pay well, though, because immediately after my going-away morning tea on Friday, I stopped off & bought myself one of these:

I don't pick it up for a few weeks - it's going to be a looong wait....

Also - went to a wedding/ Yoyo was the cutest flower girl ever/ had friends in town for a long weekend/ my wife's auntie & cousin stayed with us for several days/ blah blah blah blah blah/ NEW HARLEY!

Hope you've been well :)

Adventure!

2007-06-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

My lovely wife's best friend from their university days came up from Sydney for a surprise visit over the weekend. It was only a surprise for my wife - I'd been scheming with her friend for over a month (I can be very sneaky when required...). I had arranged for them to go to a day spa on Saturday morning, to get massaged and pampered and wrapped in seaweed (or whatever goes on in those places), to be followed by a nice lunch and some shopping, while I looked after our two year old daughter for the day.

The girls came back later that afternoon with piles of shopping bags, scrubbed clean, smelling nice, beaming smiles & very relaxed. I suspect they were also a little drunk. They'd had a fabulous day, they said, and were appropriately grateful and happy and excited about all the new crap they'd bought.

Meanwhile, Yoyo & I had gone on an "adventure". We were out the door two seconds after the girls had left; first stop: The Train. Yoyo is fascinated by the train. She's been on before, but only a few times, as we usually drive everywhere we can't walk. So when we got to the train station, I think she realised Daddy was serious about this being an "Adventure". We bought our ticket from the machine, and only waited a few minutes before the loudspeakers announced "The next train on platform 2 will arrive in two minutes...". I don't know if this happens to all 2-year-olds, but any time an announcement comes on over a loud speaker, Yoyo's eyes get huge, like God Himself is talking. It probably doesn't help that I look wildly around and ask her - "Who was THAT!?!?".

We walked through Brisbane Square, and Yoyo had to run around and touch every piece of sculpture, and chase every pigeon (yelling "Go Away!!"), we carefully navigated The Bridge and played in the huge kids area they have at the State Library, and walked though the Gallery of Modern Art (she warned everyone who passed by a big steel sculpture that it was "very, very dangerous"), and we had lunch, and chased more pigeons, and the little maniac passed out on the train ride back home (probably from sheer excitement).

My wife felt happy & special from her spa treatment - but I reckon mine was better.

Egg on face

2007-06-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

So embarrassing. We went to a bbq at some friends' house, and one of my friends asks "what's the meaning of the word plebs? or plebes? and is it 'pleeb' or 'pleb', or 'pleebeh'".

I very confidently told her that the word had it's root in the ancient Greek "plebian", and it means "the common people".

We had a nice little chat about it - how you'll know a word, and know what it means, and see it from time to time in books and magazines and such, but you've never actually said it out loud before, and the first time you do, you mis-pronounce it, and the person you happen to be chatting with just happens to know the word, and immediately corrects your mis-pronounciation, and you feel like a bit of a jackass for a second.

Well that was my friend - and I made her feel like a dork, and I felt really bad, because she's a great mate. She was very gracious, and we had a good laugh, and as we stood there, she pulled up the word on dictionary.com and read the definition out loud.

I knew it meant "the common people", but it is from the Latin; it's Roman. 30 seconds earlier, I had lectured everyone in earshot about the Ancient Greeks, their system of government, and blah blah blah.

Lessons learned:
1. I know some things about stuff, and I can speak with great authority, very convincingly, when I know that I am absolutely correct.
2. I am full of shit.
3. I am a nerd.

Okay, #3 wasn't so much a lesson learned as a lesson remembered, but you get the point.

2 Years?!

2007-05-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

When you find out that you're going to be having a baby, people give you all kinds of advice. They tell you that life as you know it is over. They tell you that you're not going to get any sleep. They tell you that it's going to be expensive. They tell you that your carefree days are over, and that you have to start being responsible.

Nobody ever told me that I was about to fall in love with the most wonderful person I could ever imagine. Nobody said that one day this amazing little kid would run across the room to throw her arms around me and give me an unbelievably fierce hug for no reason at all, and that my heart and mind and soul would blaze with a passion that I've never known before. No one ever said that everything I've ever thought about life, the universe, and everything was about to expand exponentially, and that I'd finally understand what is important.

I don't blame them. No one could have known. There really aren't any words anyway.

I can't believe it's only been two years. I can't imagine or remember life without you in it. Happy Birthday, Yoyo.

D'ya know that feeling...

2007-05-13T04:49:00.000-07:00

- when it's an unbelievably gorgeous day, sunny but not too hot, and there's a nice little breeze blowing....and you're in some fantastic place - like on a sailboat off the coast of eastern Australia, and you can see the sunlight glinting off the buildings of a beautiful city way off to your left, and the ocean as far as you can see to your right....and there are actual, for real, honest-to-god dolphins playing along the bow-wave of the boat you're on; and you are (for the first time in probably five years) pretty happy with the outfit you've decided to wear, and you're actually looking pretty good and you know it, and you're with about half a dozen of your best friends, and you're on your third beer and you're starting to get a pleasant buzz, and you've got this big stupid grin on your face, and you look over at your friends and they are all smiling back at you in a really great way because you look so happy and it makes them genuinely glad to really see you that way, and just at that exact moment someone turns up the radio and U2's "It's A Beautiful Day" comes on, and you just feel like everything you've ever done in your whole life has led up to this moment, right now?

Well I feel like that everytime my daughter kisses me.

Set Phasers to Maximum Cuteness

2007-04-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the long weekend, Jebus!

2007-04-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

Although Australia isn't a particularly religious country, Easter weekend is taken very seriously. Both Good Friday and the following Monday are public holidays, so the whole country gets a four-day weekend. And since we aren't a particularly religious people - these four days are traditionally spent camping, going to the beach, having bbq's in the back yard, having a beverage or two, and generally relaxing and having a good time.

Our weekend was fantastic. I haven't really blogged about how cool it is being a parent lately - mostly because I don't have the writing skills to describe what is happening between my daughter and I. Many other "daddy bloggers" have written very eloquently about the experience of becoming a father, and the development of their children, and I've been reading other blogs long enough to know that I don't really have anything new or insightful or witty to add to the wealth of great writing already out there. But I can't really discuss my weekend without at least trying to explain...

At 22 months old, Yoyo is definitely her own person. I should start calling her "RoRo", as that is how she refers to herself. She refers to me as "Kev", and to my wife as "Senna", as well as "Mummy and Daddy". She's known her alphabet and been able to count to ten for a couple of months now. She speaks in complete sentences, and remembers just about everything. She loves to cuddle and kiss, and knows when to use these simple acts with devastating effect. She says "hello!" to everyone she meets, is developing a mighty 'fro of loose curls, and she is drop-dead gorgeous. I know everyone thinks that about their own kid, but mine really is.

So for the last four days, I've been able to spend about 14 hours a day with this fascinating little person - from the moment she climbed into bed ("Wake up, Daddy!") at 5:30 in the morning, to the moment she finished brushing her teeth and gave me a very solemn kiss on the lips at bedtime. The time in between was taken up with reading books (she has started reading them to us - which is much, much more hilarious than it sounds), playing at the park, watching movies (and being awe-struck by her running commentary; i.e. - watching the Lion King: "Simba is sad." Me: "Why is Simba sad, darling?" "His daddy is sleeping...".), and, most importantly - just hanging around in sort of a slow-motion, low impact wrestling/ tickling match that goes on intermittently all day long.

I know this is nothing earth-shattering or original, and as I've said, I don't have the skills to describe what an unbelievable impact it makes on me. But it feels soooo good for the soul - like I've spent 4 days at a retreat or something. It was hard to drop her off at day-care this morning, and it's hard not to think of her while I am pretending to work today. I'm basically just marking time until I can go and pick her up in 6 more hours, and ask her about her day, and make her dinner, and do roly-polies (somersaults) together, and put on jammies, and read some books, and maybe she'll say "I love you Daddy" again when she kisses me goodnight....

Old School

2007-03-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

A post by my old blogging mate MetroDad, in which he admitted to his love for Tears for Fears, New Order, Pet Shop Boys, et al, has got me reminiscing a bit.

I am a die-hard 80's fan, musically anyway. Especially after a couple of drinks - I can be found out the back, in our study, Gary Newman up way too loud, and dancing my 42-year-old ass off. I am going to be such an embarassment to my daughter someday.

Poking around in my archives, I came across this picture of me, circa 1987. My little brother was visiting me in California, and I was showing off my new bike. (Please note - I was not going for a ride barefoot! I was crazy back then - but not that stupid).

But how cool are the stone-washed jeans, the mullet hair-style, the aviator shades, and the "I'm 23 and I have a motorcycle" shit-eating grin on my face?

Good times....

Outside Reading - "The God Delusion"

2007-03-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

It's "outside reading", because I am in an on-line bookclub, but I just couldn't bring myself to read this month's book. However - my father-in-law gave me a copy of "The God Delusion", by Richard Dawkins for Christmas (I know - Atheism, on Jesus' birthday! I'm certainly going to hell now! - as if I wasn't going anyway).

I've read & re-read it now, and I've decided it is a fantastic book. I wasn't sure at first, because I was initially very irritated by Dawkins' habit of lashing out at critics and criticisms of which I wasn't aware. It was almost as if he expected his reader to have followed his career and the controversies that have surrounded it (which I haven't). But in going back & selectively reading the chapters, and filtering out all of his personal "chip-on-the-shoulder" complaining, I've been often dumb-struck at the power, simplicity, and logic of his ideas.

I've never really discussed my views of the meaning of Life, The Universe, and Everything with a lot of people; at least not in great depth. I've found that there always comes a point, in the conversations I've had, where I feel like the other person is just plain nuts, or that I am. I've also noticed that people get very (sometimes VERY) upset when their core "beliefs" are challenged. I put "beliefs" in parentheses because, as Dawkins explores very eloquently in his book, most peoples' deeply held beliefs are merely regurgitations of what they had their little heads crammed with when they were young. I've often wondered why some people, who were adamant that their religion was the One True Religion, couldn't understand that they would have believed something completely different (and just as fervently) if they had been born in a different time & place. Dawkins considers it a form of child abuse to indoctrinate children into their parents' religious beliefs before they have developed the capacity to reason - and I think he has a strong case.

He also effortlessly strips away the self-referential logic of most of the major religions, and lays out a set of interesting questions: Do we believe things because we really, really want to believe them? Do we believe things simply because it's been drilled into our heads for our entire lives that they are true - and we must not ask questions? Or do we believe things because they are true? Not "because we think they are true"; or "because we want them to be true"; but because they are true. Dawkins is very solidly in the latter camp - an evangelical atheist.

I've always considered myself an agnostic, or perhaps a "looking over my shoulder" atheist ("God, I do not believe in thee, but if you do exist - please do not smite me for not believing in thee..."). Dawkins has nothing but scorn for this type of thinking. Either you believe in an all-powerful magical being that lives in some "realm" outside the observable universe, or you don't.

It's only a matter of degree whether or not you believe that this being "listens" to your every thought, is ready to punish you in horrible ways for all eternity if you have some naughty ones, yet really loves you and wants to carry you off to heaven some day if you are worthy, and don't question his existence at all, and do what you're told, etc. I've had to seriously consider what it is that I do believe, and why, and what I plan on teaching my daughter....

A powerful book.

It's Just That Easy!!!

2007-03-14T05:07:00.000-07:00

When I was a pup, ages ago, I used to - now & then - get busted for doing stupid shit.

We'd steal beer from Jewel.
We'd get high in the park.
We'd "borrow" the neighbor's bike.
We'd, um, do strange and wonderful things with the Polish girl from down the block.

I was a complete pussy. I had this sense of right and wrong - instilled by countless beatings, a painful Catholic School upbringing, and a conscience.

I'd say "Yeah, Dad. It was me".

Grounded. Slapped. No allowance. "Double Secret Probation". No TV priveledges. You name it - I copped it.

But I always sort of held my head up high - because I thought it was, I dunno, noble to own up for my actions and take what was coming to me. Do the crime - do the time.

It was such a simpler age.

In a lot of ways, I feel proud of myself for that stuff.

I wonder what it's like to grow up in the US today. I can't imagine myself telling my Dad (after beating the crap out of the kid down the block) "I take full responsibility for that". Or, for stealing a bar of candy from our local store, "I admit - some mistakes were made".

Apparently - everyone thinks it's ok.

Kids today - huh?

Think Ink!

2007-02-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

In response to some blog conversations started by my good pals Big Dubya & Chocolate Makes it Better, today's post is a celebration of ink.

Mr BigDubya is collating examples of tatts from some fellow bloggers, and I've contributed pics to the effort, but I thought I'd write a bit of an explanation here.

Even though I started late (I got my first tat when I was 34 or 35), I love tattoos. I intend on getting more - even though this has been the source of some debate between my lovely wife & I.

Here are most of my five tattoos:

On my left shoulder blade: the Hindu symbol for "Om", the representation of Brahman; life, the universe, everything. I got this tat on the day of my Buck's party. My wife has one on her shoulder, and I wanted to get one to match hers, and to sort of say that to me, she is everything.

On my left shoulder: the Kanji symbol for Happiness (koufuku). I got this shortly after I learned that we were going to have a baby; I needed to immortalise the happiness I was feeling at the time; it will always symbolise the joy that my daughter has brought to my life.

Below that: a shamrock. I got this a few weeks after my younger brother killed himself. We come from an Irish family - both of our parents were from the old country, and we lived in an Irish neighborhood in Chicago, and our heritage was always very important in our family. Years ago, Mick & I decided one night that we were going to get shamrock tattoos, so we found this place not too far from where we were drinking, but they wouldn't let us get inked, as it was about 4:00 in the morning and we were completely hammered. So after he died, I got the tat that I would've gotten with him.

On my left calf: the Southern Cross (Crux Australis), probably the most important constellation in the southern hemisphere (it points to the south pole, serving the same role to navigators as Polaris does in the north). It is also a symbol for Australia (it features on the Australian flag). I got this tattoo on the same day as 8 of my mates. One of my best friends was going on an extended trip overseas, and she wanted to get the Cross tattoo before she left - I suppose to make sure no one confused her for a Pom. When she told us of her plan, everyone said "me too!", and we descended on the tattoo parlor en masse. To me, this will always symbolise mateship - one of the most important characteristics of Australian culture - and my love of my adoptive country.

I've got another on my right shoulder (it's clearly visible on my fishing post), the Chinese symbol for "Fu", or good luck, as a memento of the years I lived in Hong Kong, and because I've got a very lucky life. And like I said - I intend on getting more....they're like eating potato chips - you can't just stop at one or two!

My life, she is a beach...

2007-02-12T02:15:00.000-08:00

We just got back from a week in beautiful Byron Bay, NSW. I was hoping for a nice relaxing getaway with a few friends and the fam, but I ended up on the phone with work half a dozen times each day, and even ended up driving back home one night (2 hours each way) to make some updates to a stupid business case I've been working on. Sigh.

Luckily the cutest little girl in the history of little girls sort of made everything better. She's just started to really appreciate going to the beach, collecting shells, making sandcastles (or more accurately, letting Daddy make sandcastles and then sitting on them)....

Her vocabulary has totally exploded, too, which made the trip that much more interesting. She can recite her ABC's, and count to ten, and she made it her personal mission to say "Hello!" to every person in town (including topless chicks sunbathing...thanks, honey!!).

The work thing aside, it was a really nice time. I got caught up on my reading (The Life of Pi, for my bookclub), spent some quality drinking time with some of my best friends, paid a visit to the bazillion-dollar racehorse farm owned by one of my ex-bosses, had several deep & meaningful (not-related-to-daycare-or-budget) conversations with my lovely wife, and of course, spend hours and hours doing silly things with Yoyo. Or as she likes to call herself these days, "Cheeky Monkey".

I got back to work today, and loudly complained about how irritating it was to be constantly bothered by work crap while I was on holiday (as if anyone will listen). Next time I'm leaving the phone at home.

Hope you are well!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

2007-01-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

I am in pain.

I had arthroscopic surgery done on my shoulder last week, to fix up my poor aching right shoulder. It had been bugging me for years - a sharp twinge everytime I lifted my arm over my shoulder. It wasn't from any particular injury, just years of abuse, but it had been getting worse, so I had it looked at. And x-rayed. And ultra-sounded. And x-rayed again.

The doctor said it was a fairly normal complaint for a man my age. I was able to keep myself from spewing - "A man my age!?!? I'm just a kid!! I'm not even 42 & a half!!". More importantly, he said he could fix it with "keyhole surgery".

It sounded pretty easy - they'd make a tiny incision, feed the roto-rooter into my A/C joint, and make some room for the tendons & what-not to move a little more freely. I had to fast from 7:30 in the morninng, check into the hospital at mid-day, and get my little procedure done in the afternoon. I didn't actually get operated on until about 8pm, and I was hungry, and very grumpy by the time they wheeled me into the operating theatre.

The anaesthesist injected me with something, and I woke up several hours later with bandages and blood everywhere, and a handy little button to push if I wanted any morphine. Of course, I wanted some - and I spent a pleasant night in the hospital watching TV and pressing the little button. They kicked me out at around noon on Friday, still feeling quite pleasant. And then the drugs started to wear off.

I expected to be back to work today (Monday), but I can't even get dressed, and my arm feels like it's been hit by a truck. So I'm taking a couple more days off work, eating Panadeine Forte and trying to catch up on my daytime TV.

Hope all is well with you....

Mmmm....mahi mahi.....

2007-01-15T15:49:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted lately - I've been busy.

You know, with work, and the holidays, and the in-laws visiting, and the baby and everything....

I'll try to write a more detailed post once things settle down a little bit here...

I hope everything is well with you!!!

Zippy Dee Do Dah....

2006-12-20T18:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, out of the blue, my lovely wife says: "Wow - that last post on your blog was depressing! Is everything ok, honey?".

I was speechless. Firstly - Wow: my wife's now reading my blog! Hi honey!! Check the archives - I've always referred to you as "my lovely wife", and I've hardly ever bitched about you! Fact!

Secondly, I didn't mean for my last post to be depressing. I'm not really depressed. I think my good mate Chocolate Makes it Better was right when he suggested that I've got "end-of-year-itis". I've taken his advice and Marley'd up a few times in the last week, and I am feeling much more festive...

It is actually sort of nice now that the year is coming to an end. It's been a very full-on year. I didn't quite meet all of my goals for 2006, but I feel like I gave it a red-hot go, and I'm happy about that. And at the end of the day, every day, I get to go home to a beautiful little house, in a fantastic neighborhood, to my lovely wife (who reads my blog and checks to make sure I am ok!) and almost-supernaturally-adorable little daughter. I've got lots of close friends and people that I care about; I've got a couple of dollars in my pocket & there's food in the fridge; Australia won back the Ashes; and life is pretty damn good.

I hope everything is going well for you - that you've got a roof over your head, and some people that you care about in your life. I hope that 2006 was good for you, and that 2007 is even better.

Happy Holidays - IFLYG!

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.....

2006-12-10T18:06:00.000-08:00

Life feels like a typhoon at the moment; so many things happening and I feel very out of control....it's been a while since I've written anything here - so I thought I'd just brain-dump:

Work is just getting crazier & crazier. I've been trying to start my own business while still working my full-time job. I'm not having a lot of luck. I have a friend with his own successful business who has offered to help me get established (i.e. - bankroll me), if I can bring in a deal. I thought I was close to scoring a very exciting opportunity recently, but I got the wind taken out of my sails (in a big way) last week, and now I'm no closer to making anything happen. Frustrating.

My full-time job is getting very full-on as the year comes to an end. I am an "ideas man", and I've been very fortunate that most of my good ideas at my current job have gotten approval, and I've secured a lot funding, and made some good things happen. The downside is that I now "own" these things, and I am getting bogged down in the details. I'm operating on way too many levels at the moment, not achieving what I want to be achieving, and it's doing my fucking head in.

I'm not sure I really like doing what I do for a living, anyway. I've had a lot of fun, and I make a decent living, and I know I shouldn't complain, but as I get older I'm starting to think that I'd like to try my hand at something else while I still can. I am becoming more and more aware that I work best when I can just unleash a flurry of creativity over the course of a few days or weeks, get a great result, and then sort of tinker around a bit until I come up with another good idea. That's sort of how I've been working for years. But it's really not a good model for a corporate/ operations type of role (which is what I am in). I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I think I would be much happier painting, or sculpting, or otherwise creating things. But we can't really afford the lifestyle change it would require....don't quite know what to do....

Yoyo is AMAZING. She is 18 months old now, and walking, and talking, and having tantrums, and she just gets cuter & cuter & cuter and I am so deeply, deeply in love with her. We went to the pub for lunch with a bunch of friends yesterday, and they had a jazz band in the courtyard, and Yoyo stood in front of the bandstand and danced the entire time they played. The crowd was mostly 60+, and everyone was delighted to have this curly headed little cutey dancing and running around between their legs. She mistook some old guy for her granddad, and made him pick her up for a cuddle - the look of absolute happiness on this guy's face was priceless.

The lovely wife is in Sydney for a business thing, so I get to spend some quality time with the little munchkin tonight....

Anyway, internets - I just thought I'd check in....I hope all is well with you!

Life's a Beach!

2006-11-20T15:41:00.000-08:00

My lovely wife and I spent the weekend at Noosa to celebrate our 4-year anniversary. (Is it only 4 years? Is it 4 years already? In some ways it seems as if we just got married yesterday, and in other ways it seems like we've been married forever....in any case, I really like it!).

Noosa is a gorgeous place - the beaches are fantastic, there are lots of upscale (read: expensive) shops & restaurants & bars, and the atmosphere is very laid back & the people are very friendly, and it was Yoyo's first real visit to the beach. We had such a great time:

Watching Yoyo run bravely up to the edge of the surf, and run straight back to the sand when the waves rolled in, over & over again....
Building sandcastles with my wife and baby girl at a tropical beach with hardly anyone else around....
Swimming in crystal clear, warm water in an ocean smooth as glass....
Stopping for ice cream two or three times a day....
Eating dinner at real restaurants as a family/ ordering off the childrens' menu (instead of pulling jars of stuff out of my lovely wife's purse for the baby)....
Drinking Veuve...
Watching my hot, hot wife walking out of the ocean with her hair thrown back & water glistening off of ('nuff said)....

Our anniversary isn't really until this Thursday, but the girls will be flying down to Sydney on Thursday morning, as our house will be full of drunken guys for most of the week. That's right - the cricket is on! Whoo hoo!

Thanks, honey - Happy Anniversary!!!

Two Weeks into Movember:

2006-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

I think the mo' makes me look angry....

Get Mo-ing!

2006-11-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

Along with my new best pal Afe, and a few other blokes, I have made a commitment to grow a mo for Movember.

It's for a good cause, and let's face it - moustaches are pretty cool (even though my lovely wife thinks I'm looking a bit Freddie Mercury-ish so far...).

The key male health causes for Movember 2006 are:

Prostate Cancer in partnership with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia (http://www.prostate.org.au/) because every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer.

Male Depression in partnership with Beyond Blue (http://www.beyondblue.org.au/) because one in six men suffer from depression at any given time but most don't seek help.

Plus, we are all going to look so retro-cool when all the boys come up to Brisbane for the Ashes test later this month....

Ennui? Oui!

2006-10-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

Lately, it seems like the state of the world has gotten me down a bit, and I haven't been able to come up with anything clever to blog about.

The wars in Iraq & Afghanistan, the increasingly strident tone and nuclear ambitions of Iran & North Korea, the worst drought in living memory here in Australia, global warming, the general cluelessness of the big Western governments - it seems like everything is going to hell in a handbasket.

And work is just so busy that I think it will be impossible for me to ever really get my head around everything going on, so I just do the best I can and hope that I am prioritising well enough that it won't get too ugly....

And last week my brother would have turned 40, and next week is the first anniversary of his suicide.

So I've been a bit mopey, and introspective - and I am acutely aware that it was my New Years' resolution to quit doing that. I'm like a vinyl record with a scratch on it - the needle always gets stuck in that one groove.

Yoyo is developing at an astonishing pace - she is just this awesome little girl now: she talks with us, and plays games with us, and plays her little jokes, and sings to herself, and has definite opinions on what she wants to wear, and interacts with us on a new level just about every week. It's easy to forget about the world and all it's problems when there's this cherub-faced little being tugging on my pants leg with sticky hands demanding juice and a biscuit.

But after she goes to bed, and the dishes are put away, and the house gets quiet, I watch the news or surf the web, and my thoughts start weighing me down again. War. Pestilence. Ignorance. Greed. Hatred. Fear. Loss. I go to sleep, and the morning is a well-choreographed blur of showers and breakfasts and getting dressed and packing lunches and hitting the road. Work starts early, and the mornings are usually too busy for any deep thinking, but by noon I just want to be out of there. By the time I leave in the afternoon I feel like a frazzled wreck, and my heart aches with my desire to be with my little girl.

Luckily, the office is only about 5 minutes away from child-care. On those occassional days when traffic is busy, my tolerance for other drivers is at a very low ebb. You people are dim-witted obstacles keeping me from my daughter! When I get there, I bound up the stairs two at a time, and she always, always sees me before I see her. "DADDY!" She runs across the room to meet me at the child-proof gates, and demands to be picked up, and we give each other fierce hugs, and I gotta tell you, internet, those little hands around my neck are saving my sanity.

I usually bring work home, but I never do any of it. Instead we go and play on the swings, and we dig in the sandpit, and we go down the plastic slide together (because she's afraid to go by herself, but she likes it when Daddy goes with her), and we pat dogs, and go for ice cream, and on the way home she picks up rocks or pieces of trash along the way and hands them to me very proudly. I make dinner while she runs around the house. She eats first, and then it's bathtime with Mommy, and then we all play around for a little while until Yoyo starts getting tired. Then it's a walk around the block in the pram, and off to bed, and the house gets quiet again.

Writing this, I wonder if the world is really getting me down, or if it's just that nothing in the world can compare to those crazy few hours I get to spend with my 18-month-old little friend each day.

Another Bride, Another Groom....

2006-10-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

I've been a little nervous, because one of my best mates is getting married in a few weeks, and he's asked me to emcee his reception.

I'm not particularly afraid of getting up in front of a crowd (I am a recovering karaoke junkie), and I think I am a capable public speaker - but I haven't written a lot for the wedding yet, and I've been debating what approach to take...should I take a minimilist tone, and just welcome people, introduce the bride & groom and their parents, introduce the people who wish to make a little speech, and get out of there?

Do I write up a couple of jokes, and maybe a comedy routine, and try to keep the crowd entertained between courses? Shall I make a deeply meaningful speech, professing my abiding love and respect for the happy couple? Do I pull out all the stops and turn on my Mr Vegas persona - belt out a couple of tunes and keep up a stream of witty banter, inside jokes, and sly innuendo a la Dean Martin circa 1965?

My friends want me to make sure that there are no unexpected drunken speeches or embarassing photo presentations, and I know they are counting on me to keep it rolling along, and reasonably sophisticated and professional. I have enough confidence in myself that I can pull it off, and above all I realise that this is their wedding, and that it's all about them - but at the same time I'd like to make sure that it's pleasantly memorable and entertaining.

Suggestions most welcome :)

What are words for?

2006-10-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

The best little girl in the history of little girls is becoming much more communicative now that she has a few back teeth. She picks up new words and new ideas everyday, and it's astonishing (and a little scary) to see what she learns from us.

Words that Yoyo can say include:

Dog!
No!
Shoes
Cheese
Juice
(note: "shoes" "cheese" and "juice" all sound the same - context is important here)
Nose
Water (sort of)
Yeah
Bye Bye
Daddy
Mama
Baby
Book
Timmy (her doll)
Her name (although it comes out "Roro")

It is probably only a matter of days before she'll be telling us "Oh, mummy & daddy - I had an amazing day at daycare today! The staff were leading us through yet another banal rendition of "Isty Bitsy Spider", when my colleague, Angus, vomited all over himself. I was quite aghast, and politely averted my attention, but the other children were most vocal in their disapproval of his predicament, and it really caused quite a stir....".

And in this corner....

2006-09-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Trying to get Yoyo into a clean nappy these days has suddenly become a life and death battle of epic proportions. It's a very new development, too - just in the last week or so.

We've been very proud of all of the new skillz she's been demonstrating - lots of new words, understanding us to a degree which shocks and amazes us, inventing new games, etc. Not two weeks ago, she was astounding us by letting us know when she needed a "freshie", taking us by the hand to her room, getting a new nappy out of her drawer, and lying down on her changing mat with a sweet angelic smile on her face. "Wow" we thought, "she's just about ready for potty training! She has to be the most advanced 16-month old girl in the history of chilren!".

Now? Not so much. After noticing that she, frankly, stinks, and corralling her into her room, she runs to the nearest corner and starts looking for an opportunity to make a break for it. I'll try to wait her out, blocking her path to the door, and when she does try to manuever past me, I wrestle her to her mat and try to get her clothes off. She'll tense up her whole body and start rolling, like a crocodile with a fresh kill, and scream and cry and fight. My lovely wife tries to sooth her, and sing to her, and get her to calm down. I take the "pin her down and get it over with" approach. Neither seems to be working particularly well.

When we're finished, she runs off ready to play again, like nothing ever happened. That's one of the great things about little kids - their ability to shrug off the little unpleasant episodes immediately. If it were me, I'd be sullen & brooding for the next four hours. But our dreams of getting potty training over with by the time she is 18 months old have pretty well vanished. She is still the best little girl in the history of little girls, it's just too bad she's stuck with such clueless parents....

Cheeky Monkey

2006-09-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

Yoyo is cheeky. You can tell just looking at her. She gets this very sly look in her eye, and you can tell she's thinking evil thoughts (alright - evil for a 16-month-old). Like, "As soon as Mummy & Daddy turn their backs, I'm going to wash my hands in the toilet...". Or, "Just let them try to find that remote control...Bwah ha ha ha ha!". We have learned to become alarmed when it gets quiet in the house.

I don't know here she gets it - her mother & I are such fine, upstanding citizens....obviously this sort of thing skips a generation.

The sort of wacky activities she gets up to are all fairly comical, so far. In addition to her fascination with the toilet, and her abiding love of hiding things from us, her adventures usually fall into the categories of "ritual abuse of dollies" and "getting into places we would have thought physically impossible". Oh, and of course, the "sudden un-godful noise" trick.

But I shudder to think where this is leading....

To the Bat Cave!

2006-09-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

Remembrance of Things Past

2006-09-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

On the night of September 11, 2001, I was a single, childless, carefree slob enjoying a few drinks at my local pub in North Sydney, talking shit with the usual crowd and basically enjoying myself.

As the only American in the place, everybody suddenly seemed intent on making me aware of what was on the television - one of the towers of the World Trade Center was on fire. Nobody knew what or how it had happened; we just assumed that a nasty fire had broken out. The sound was down on the TV, and the jukebox was still blaring away when the second plane crashed into the other tower. Suddenly the music was off, and the US morning news presenters were telling us what was already painfully obvious.

I remember walking home in shock, and I called my brothers in the US as soon as I could, just to make sure that they and their families were ok, and I sat in front of the TV for the rest of that night. I was a zombie at work the next morning. All of my Australian co-workers and friends checked in with me constantly to make sure that I was ok, that my family were alright. I don't think I slept, or did any actual work, for three days or so.

I had been in the US for a total of maybe 3 days in the 5 years before that; and suddenly I was very, very homesick. I love Australia, and it is definitely my home now, but at the end of the day - I'm from Chicago. There will always be things that I'll miss about the States. Sitting in the bleachers in Wrigley Field on a spring afternoon. The bite of the cold wind blowing in off Lake Michigan in Autumn. Decent pizza. Hidden Valley Ranch dressing. The burritos they make at this little Mexican shack on 10th St. in Long Beach, California. My brothers, my sister, my Mom & Dad.

In the weeks and months after 9/11, I was aware of all the memorials, and vigils, and tributes, and moments of silence, and other remembrance events that were going on in the US, but life here went on as normal. I watched on TV as the crowds stood up to sing "God Bless America" before the baseball games I'd stay up to watch on ESPN, and I'd feel all patriotic, but I never stood at attention in my lounge room waving the flag or anything. I wasn't a part of what was going on in the US anymore.

My relationship with my older brother sort of deteriorated pretty quickly after that day, as we both tried to make sense about what it all meant. I've always had lots of Muslim friends, and I know that Islam teaches peace, and that the fanatics who perpetrated those evil acts did not represent a majority. But he seemed to feel strongly that this was an "us against them" sort of war, and as I didn't even live in the US anymore, my opinions weren't really relevant. We still talked, but there began to be a lot more unsaid. Since my other brother died, we just have that much less to talk about anymore, so we seldom do.

Random Thoughts

2006-09-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

I was strangely saddened by Steve Irwin's sudden death. I didn't know the guy, but we live just down the road from the Australian Zoo, and we had been planning to drive up to visit, and perhaps meet him (he seemed like the sort of guy that you could just say hi to), as soon as Yoyo got old enough to appreciate it. We'd also discussed how we thought his son Bob might even one day be a suitable partner for her (being dangled in front of a croc at 1 month old and not crying? Potential son-in-law material...). In all seriousness, though, I thought he seemed like a genuinely good bloke: friendly, fearless, dedicated, and a bit crazy. The world is just a little bit further diminished without the Crocodile Hunter in it.

We took Yoyo to RiverFire! on Saturday evening. This is the kick off to the annual River Festival here in Brisbane, and it is basically a huge fireworks display topped off by twin F-111's dumping & burning right through the heart of downtown. It is really exciting, but our 15-month-old daughter wasn't overly impressed. She thought the first few skyrockets were pretty cool, but as soon as the really loud ones started booming, she clung to my neck like a little koala and refused to look up at the sky. She even fell asleep after a while (those jets woke her right up, though!)...

I took the girls home right afterwards, and they went straight to bed. I kicked on with some crazy guys from New Zealand, and didn't get home til the wee hours, and spent Fathers' Day with a wicked hangover...we still had a brilliant day, though; the weather is starting to get really nice, but not too hot yet, and it's perfect for recovery bbq's in the backyard with friends and lots of kids around (which is exactly what we did).

Yoyo! Let's give her a big hand....

2006-08-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

Thank you ladies and gentlemen – it’s great to be back here at the Comedy Crib. How are you all doing today? What a great looking crowd! It’s especially nice to see all the newborns in the audience…I haven’t seen this much drool in one place since my Daddy gave up his subscription to the Playboy Channel…I tease the newborns –because they’re helpless….seriously though, I haven’t played such a toothless crowd since I did that show in Buford, Alabama…

Speaking of teething – if I seem a little out of sorts today, folks, it’s because I’m pretty sure I’m sprouting some frickin’ tusks up here…anybody else teething? I just don’t understand it…if we need teeth, why aren’t we just born with the damn things? It’s not as if we all came out like smooth little balls, and then started growing arms & legs and whatnot…although I’m sure the Mommies here wish we would have…am I right, Mommies? Teething is a bitch…as soon as I get these fangs in, I am gonna do some serious biting…

Who do we have here this afternoon? What’s your name, sir? Yeah, you – the chubby gentleman in the blue onesie – what’s your name? “Gah”? How are you doing today, Gah? What’s that shit all over the front of your suit, buddy? Did somebody spill that on you, or is that a DIY job? Hey, seriously though, it looks great on you…it makes you look a lot younger. Whoops – can we get a fresh nappy up here? I think this kid just shat himself…

Is this thing on? (taps mic) What is this, naptime? These are the jokes, kids!

Hey, what’s the deal with nursery rhymes? Have you ever really listened to these things? Who came up with these stories, anyway? Honestly: a small spider crawls up a drainpipe, gets washed back down by the rain, and starts back up again. That’s it. That’s the whole saga. Who wrote this piece of material, Shakespeare? And it’s not enough that the story is lame; they want you to do the thing with your hands over and over and over….do you ever get the feeling that they’re just trying to keep us busy? Trying to tire us out? Keep us too busy to figure out what’s really going on? There’s a conspiracy afoot, my friends…you gotta wonder what these adults are up to…

Hey listen, folks – my Mommy’s giving me that look, so I think my time’s just about up. You’ve been a great crowd, thanks a lot! Have a great afternoon, enjoy the rest of the show! Try the pureed veal!

2006-08-28T19:31:00.000-07:00

Yoyo is back to her old self (mostly) after enduring some hellacious pain over the past two weeks as some new teeth come in. They haven't quite popped through yet, so there may be some more unpleasantness before we're through, but she's no longer in constant pain...which is nice.

Actually, she's even better than her old self, suddenly (it's amazing how kids make these quantum leaps when they are 15 or 16 months old). She's become quite the comedian. Or at least, a "dada absurdist". Granted, her routines are of the 16-month-old variety, and she's not likely to win the open mic night at the local comedy club just yet - but her timing is impeccable, and she has been cracking us (and herself) up pretty consistently in the past few days.

Most of her best routines revolve around her shoes - taking them off and trying to put them on mummy's feet, or putting them on Henry (her hippopatamus), or just putting them in unusual locations. And when Daddy takes off his stinky socks, it's like a prop-comic's dream: Yoyo runs around the house with them (to Mummy's absolute disgust & horror), and threatens all of her stuffed animals with stinky suffocation. She's also guaranteed to be reduced to fits of uncontrollable giggling if we happen to drop the word "poopy" into a sentence...

All of this is of course accompanied by constant, infectious laughter (hers and ours), and random bursts of high-pitched screams of delight (mostly hers).

So while her humour might be considered low-brow, and may not be everyone's cup of tea, to me her comedy conveys a sense of release, and an excess of energy which affords a sensation of liberation from layers of inhibition that social convention and taboos place against total bodily abandon; a liberation not only of the body, but one of the mind, and senses.... (ok, I stole that last bit from a review of Rae Beth Gordon's Why the French Love Jerry Lewis).

Anyway, the house is full of joy again. I hope your is too.

Oh, the pain of it all....

2006-08-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

Teething, people. She's been in pain for about 10 days now, and it's breaking my heart. And keeping me up all sorts of crazy hours. And giving her a split personality. But mostly, it's hurting her, and I can't really do anything about it. We give her what we can give her, and tried the tea-towel-in-the-freezer thing, and everything else we've ever heard of or read on a blog...but she's just hurting. Poor little chook.
I know it will pass...I just hope it passes soon, so we can all get back to the love. And get some fucking sleep.

The Tyranny of Distance

2006-08-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

I was always very close to my younger brother, even though since I left home at 17 I've always lived at least a thousand miles from him (and usually much, much further). We didn't get to see each other often - a few days every few years - but we always managed to keep up a running conversation via e-mail, online chatting, and at least one long, funny phone call each month. He was the closest person in my life.

I was the best man at his wedding, and I love his wife - she is smart, and funny, and kind, and everything I could have wanted for my brother. Their two boys, who are about 4 and 3 years old now, are typical boisterous fun little kids, and I love them (from afar), too.

When he killed himself, I felt wrecked (to put it lightly). But with a beautiful baby girl to take care of, and a lovely wife to support (and support me), and a new house, and an important job....I've got too many things going on (and going for me) to fall apart completely.

But too often lately, I have been calling my sister-in-law (at odd hours, due to the 14 or 14 hour time difference) and I'm afraid I've been bothering her. She's been through a lot, and is managing to raise my nephews, and stay sane, and she is going out with a new guy, and basically trying to go on with her life. And these little chats with me are probably painful for her, and not very satisfying for me, either. I think I'm probably reaching out to her because I used to reach out to Mike, and even though he isn't there anymore, that's his family.

I don't know what the hell I'm blathering on about...I just feel sad.

My love - she take the train...

2006-07-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

Life has been soo busy....fun, but busy....I keep meaning to blog, but, well, you know...

Work has become very full-on over the past month; I've taken on a different role, and as it's the first time the organisation has had this sort of role - I have had to define what I am supposed to be delivering for them. I like the challenge of breaking new ground, but it does consume a lot of time and energy. But I am mostly pretty happy with the way it's going.

We have been taking Yoyo to child-care on the train for the last week - the confined space and captive audience really suit her personality. She flirts shamelessly with everybody, grabs hold of anything within reach, and keeps up a running commentary until we reach our stop. It's really great watching the faces of people around us as she catches their eye and flashes her flirtiest smile. I find myself making judgements about people based on their reactions to her: if they smile and flirt back with her, they are nice people; if they utterly ignore her, they are heartless, unhappy jerks. I know I shouldn't judge others, but I also know that I am right.

Yesterday, a policeman got on the train and stood next to me. As the doors closed and the train started rolling, Yoyo stared at him for a moment or two, then slapped his leather jacket and shouted "Hi!!". The cop, who had been looking very serious and cop-like, broke into a huge grin and patted her head...it's funny because I haven't always been the kind of guy to share a warm friendly moment with an on-duty police officer....

And the other day, I bumped into a guy I used to work with; a very dapper and proper Indian gentleman....we chatted as the train chugged along, about work, and business opportunities around town, and so on, when Yoyo decided she wanted to kiss him. She thrust both hands out towards him, and started making her "mmmm" sound (to show she wanted a kiss). She'd just finished eating a cookie, and was a bit of a mess....my old mate just sort of politely backed away. I like riding the train with her - it's endlessly amusing....

I'll try to blog more - I hope everyone is well, and that things are going your way!

Could I finally be growing up?

2006-07-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

I got to spend the weekend on my own in Sydney. Most of the old friends I used to have from back in the day still live there, while we've moved a thousand kilometers away. None of my old gang have kids, and it's nice to get down there a couple of times a year and pretend I have no responsibilities and can stay up past 10pm. It's usually a blur of hanging out with the boys, catching up with a lot of old friends, drinking at mid-day, smoking cigars, gambling - you know, that sort of thing.

I met up with the guys on Friday at lunch time, and we got stuck into the beers straight away. We headed to The Rocks, and drank, talked shit, and bet on horses all afternoon. It was one of those days that go by in a happy fog of alcohol & laughter....

Saturday was just as much fun: we cooked a great meal about mid-afternoon, and met "the gang" at a pub, and talked and laughed, and went to another pub and met up with even more friends, and ended up at a very cool club until the wee hours.

About a dozen of us were walking back to my mates' house at about 4am, through the tourist area of Darling Harbour (right in the heart of the city), when we came across an area marked off by police tape. A big square was taped off, creating a sad little scene: pools of blood on the rain-wet bricks of the Piermont Bridge, and a collection of bloody towels where someone had obviously fallen and received some help. Whoever was hurt had been whisked away already, and there were just a few police officers and a photographer left at the scene. Our little band of merry partiers sobered up pretty quickly and continued quietly on our way.

I couldn't wait to get back home to my own warm bed, my lovely wife, our beautiful little girl, and my 10pm bedtimes.

...and then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid like...

2006-07-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer in telling people that I love them (hence the name of my blog). I think this comes from a long history of tragedy in my life - like suddenly losing family members and friends - and also from a lot of times when I would have really benefitted from someone letting me know that they loved me; that I was important to them. In order to "be the change I want to see in the world", I think that by letting other people know that I appreciate them, care for them, and yes, love them, I am in my own little way adding some value to the world.

This freaks a lot of people out. I have a running joke with a really dear friend; the first time I told her that I loved her (in an e-mail, when she was feeling down), she sent a note back saying "um...you mean, as a friend, right?". I tease her about that now - I mean, if someone tells you that they love you, why is our tendency to immediately question their motives? To think them weird?

It's not as though there is way too much love in our lives, and we really couldn't possibly deal with one more person admiring, respecting, and caring for us. What a bother!

My good friends are used to hearing that from me now, and they know I mean it. I'm not religious, or a hippy, or a weirdo (at least, I don't think I am). If anything, I'm probably afraid because we aren't here for a long time, and I would hate to think I haven't contributed much to the world in my brief time here. I don't think I'm ever going to compose a symphony, or start painting masterpieces, or architect skyscrapers or build monuments. But I am generally full of love for other people, so I feel compelled to share that.

I don't walk down the street just telling people I love them. I don't walk around hugging strangers, or accosting people on the bus, or blurting out my undying affection for the folks I work with at staff meetings, for example. But if we get to be mates, and spend some time getting to know each other, and you become important to me somehow - chances are I'm going to tell you how I feel.

I think the love I give to other people generally comes back to me threefold, so I'm unlikely to stop this behavior - it's working for me.

Is that crazy? Probably, huh? Oh well - it's just who I am, and how I feel. I genuinely love people*. There - I've said it and I'm proud.

* - as a friend :)

You GO, Girl!

2006-07-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

We have entered a new era at the IFLYG household: Yoyo is seriously walking!

It was very exciting to watch over the last couple of weeks - she had been standing up (and clapping for herself, and shouting "Yay!!") for a little while now, and we had been practising walking while she held our hands...and then she graduated to taking two or three steps at a time, before falling down (and shouting "Aww...!").

But she was content to leave it at that for the past few weeks. Then, over this weekend, she suddenly progressed to walking across the room (at our request) back & forth between Mummy & Daddy's open arms; and then to just getting up and wandering around the house on her own. She is very, very proud of herself; and of course we are extremely proud of her.

Now I've heard all the horror stories about this exciting new phase in her life, but we are just so excited for her that the terror hasn't quite sunk in yet. She is just too cute.

Just Checkin' Back In...

2006-06-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a 5-day trip to Melbourne. It was really nice – we love Melbourne. It was cold and rainy, as you’d normally expect this time of year, but there is something romantic about getting dressed all warm and getting on the tram and exploring the city. Melbourne is a lot bigger than Brisbane, and it’s really very fashionable – in Brisbane we generally throw on a pair of shorts and sandals and hit the streets; Melbournians tend to put a little more effort into it.

We were staying with some really good friends, and we had a great time catching up, reminiscing about the wild times back in the day, and watching our baby daughters play together. It’s amazing to think how much we’ve changed in the last 5 or 6 years – if you had told me & Mark way back then that we’d be spending Friday, June 23 2006 pushing prams down the street while our wives went shopping, we wouldn’t have believed you. Actually, we probably wouldn’t have been able to understand you. But here we are, and it’s all good.

We got back to Queensland pretty late on Monday night, and we were too tired to stay up to watch the World Cup. In a way, I’m glad I didn’t have to watch Australia lose in the last minute of the game the way they did – it would have kept me up the rest of the night. Oh, well – we are all pretty proud of our Socceroos anyway…

Just wondering...

2006-06-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

I have met a lot of really great people since starting this blog - most of them either new parents, or at least parents with small children. It's been a great way to meet new friends, get parenting advice, and, most importantly, to realise that there a lot of great people out there going through the same joys and difficulties as I am as a new father.

Most of the blogs I read on a daily basis detail the trials and tribulations of raising babies - about how scary it is when they just can't stop crying, or how frustrating it is when they just will not go to sleep, or how exciting it is when they say their first words, or start to walk, or crawl, or do just about anything for the first time. I love reading about that stuff.

I was just wondering, though, if these friendships I have been making will be lasting relationships, or if we'll just drift apart after the novelty of being a new parent wears off. I hope that years from now, I'll still be reading all of your blogs, and that you'll still be reading mine. But I wonder what we'll be blogging about in 5, or ten, or fifteen years? Will we be posting about our kids' first dates, or their first brushes with the law, or gloating about their successes, or just daydreaming about how we'll be remodelling the house when they finally move out?

It should be interesting...

Father's Day is a State of Mind

2006-06-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

Father's Day in Australia isn't until the 3rd of September this year (in Australia, September = Springtime, for all of you northern hemisperions), but I just want to be involved in all of Kara's bloggects...I'm afraid if I stop putting my hand up, I'll stop being invited.

Like any slow kid with a homework assignment, I've had to think long and hard about how I wanted to address the topic of Fatherhood. My own Dad was sort of an asshole, and I haven't had a lot of really positive male role models in my life. So I thought to myself "who do I know who's a good Dad?". And the answer surprised even me: Me!

OK, granted - it's early days; Yoyo has only been with us for just over a year, and I'm still learning the ropes. I realise I still have plenty of time to stuff it up & ruin her life, or at least give her something to complain to a therapist about someday. But so far/ so good. It has been such an amazing time for both of us, and I just love it. Being a Dad is slowly changing me, sometimes subtly, sometimes dramatically. I am definitely becoming a different (and hopefully better) person through my relationship with my daughter.

From the time she gets us up demanding food at 5am until I put her to bed at 7:30 at night (and she goes to bed so sweetly after I hold her in my arms for a few minutes), I can hardly think of anything else. I got up and walked out of a meeting the other day, because it was 5pm, and time to go and pick up my baby and her Mum, and nobody at work questioned it (and I wouldn't have cared if they did). This weekend, we'll go to the park across the street, and I will play in the sandpit, and wrestle with her on the grass, and blow bubbles, and read her the same book a dozen times, and make a big mess feeding her, and then clean it up, and change nappies, and give her a bath, and like every weekend for the last year - it will be the best weekend of my whole life.

I was a bit scared and nervous about what kind of father I'd be - especially because my own wasn't particularly great, and I had nothing to measure it against. But now that I've turned into a Happy Idiot, with a really simple set of priorities, I know that I needn't have worried. I'm a good Dad. It is so great to say that.

Stumbling, falling down, and other adventures

2006-06-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

Grandma & Granpa were in town for the Queen's Birthday long-weekend (good on ya, Liz!), and were able to witness Yoyo's first attempts at walking. Needless to say, they were very proud to have been present at this auspicious event, and we were pretty happy about the timing ourselves.

Yoyo has been standing up by herself for a few weeks now, and she's been very excited about it, but this weekend was the first time she's actually taken that first step. And every time she does it, she gets a huge smile on her face, claps her hands, and yells "Yay!!". It's very cute. Her current record is four steps before falling down, but she gets back up immediately to try again. I'm pretty proud of her myself.

Having the in-laws in town for the weekend gave me and the lovely wife a perfect (rare) opportunity to get out of the house together and meet some good friends for a lovely dinner at a local Thai restaraunt, and then over to another friend's house to watch the rugby and have several drinks. I have become a bit of a lightweight over the last year, unfortunately, and I was a bit tipsy - but hopefully didn't embarrass myself too terribly (I am pretty sure I didn't break anything, and my friends are still speaking with me, so I think I may have gotten away with it).

All things considered, it was a pretty good weekend.

My Inner Nerd gets a Metaphorical Wedgie

2006-06-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've been taking an astronomy class at the local observatory for the past several weeks. I know, nerd stuff...but it has been pretty fun, and there are worse things I could be doing with my time.
I enjoy being able to look up in the sky at night and know the names of some of the stars, and to be able to pick out the planets, and to have a greater appreciation for how enormous the universe is, and how seemingly insignificant our little planet is in the vastness of the cosmos (plus, I love talking like Carl Sagan...).

The last class was Saturday. We were finally going to get to look through the huge telescopes - the culmination of the whole class. It was a fine, clear day, and I was sure it was going to be great viewing. And so, of course, at about 1:30 in the afternoon, work calls: big disaster - get in. I worked well into the night, and missed the class. Damn.

Happy Birthday!

2006-05-29T17:48:00.000-07:00

Happy First Birthday, Darling!

I just wanted to congratulate you on reaching this important milestone, and to say thank you for all of the wonderful things you have done for your mother & I in the past year. It has really been a pleasure for us, every day, to get to know you and just hang out with you. You are a very cool young lady.

One of the best things about you is that you are almost always happy, from the moment you get up in the morning until you go to sleep at night. It is hard not to be happy when we are around you. And you have been like this since you were about 4 months old, too - which is pretty amazing. Even as a little tiny baby, we'd hear you waking up in your room, and when we went to check on you, you'd have this great big smile on your face - as if you'd been laughing at your own private little joke before we came into the room. I'll never forget the first time you actually laughed: you were very small, and I was changing you on the dining room table. We were listening to music, and I played with your feet to make it look like you were dancing, and you started laughing your little head off. It was the best sound I'd ever heard in my life (and it still is, by the way).

Sure, you have your moments - you are still just a baby after all - but it hasn't been very difficult at all, really. There are a few times when you cry so much that nothing we can do helps, and that makes us feel useless and sad for you. But those times are getting more and more rare. And those times when you wake up in the middle of the night crying, and I pick you up, and you give me a fierce hug and nuzzle into my chest and fall back asleep in my arms...it gives me an incredible sense of accomplishment. I love being able to help you.

And you are so smart! You have been using sign language to your mother & I for months now ("milk", and "hungry", and "finished" and probably a dozen other things that we can't understand yet - we don't really know sign language!), and you can say "yeah", and "no", and "mama" and "dada"....and oh my God, child - are you loud. They call you "foghorn" at daycare, you know. A few weeks ago, your mother & I got a letter from the city council; one of our neighbors complained about the rooster that was waking up the whole neighborhood at 5 o'clock every morning. I explained that it was just you...

Just in the last few days, you've been standing up on your own two feet - and you get such a proud look on your face! You look up at us as if to say "Look what I just did!!!", and you do your little twisting dance. In a few days or weeks you will be taking your first steps on your own. You are changing so much, so quickly. But in a way, to me, you haven't really changed very much at all. Especially when you are asleep in my arms - you have such a beautiful, angelic, happy look on your cute little face; you look almost exactly the way you did when I first held you in my arms just a moment after you were born, one year ago today.

Love Always,
Daddy

Yoyo's Ma *

2006-05-11T03:55:00.000-07:00

* Not to be confused with Yoyo Ma.

Part 2 of my contribution to the Mother's Day Bloggect is a shout out to my beautiful wife, Senna.

I have been in absolute awe of the way she's transformed every part of her being into this amazing Mom. In typical fashion, this transformation started well before I understood what was going on.

I've always been very attracted to my lovely wife, and in my mind she never looked more beautiful then the moment she walked up the hill overlooking the ocean on our wedding day. Believe me, folks - she had nothing to change. But about six months after we were married, she started working out like a woman possesed; scrupulously watching her diet, cutting out the few bad habits she had, and basically fine-tuning her already fine body. This went on for about a year. I felt like I had won the lottery.

One fine day, lying in bed, snuggled up with this dream, she purred "I think we should make a baby...". Like most guys, I'd thought about having kids 'someday', but it was all very abstract - something we'd do in the fullness of time, when the finances were just right, when the stars were perfectly aligned & I had the perfect job, etc. It sort of threw me for a loop when I realised that she meant right now. And the penny really dropped when she asked "What do you think I've been preparing for over the last year?". "Ohhhh!", I said, big lightbulb belatedly exploding over my head.

So we started trying to have a baby. And trying. And trying. I know it sounds really fun, but when you're really trying to get pregnant...well, it's not as sensual as I would've hoped:
Sen: "I'll be ovulating Tuesday til Thursday, so don't make any plans".
Kev: "Oh, baby, when you talk to me that way, I just can't resist...".

This went on for months and months and months. It wasn't the absolute focus of our lives, but it became pretty stressful. We went through a lot of home pregnancy tests, and had our hopes up several times, only to have them dashed when her period would come around. It got to the point where I just couldn't take the disappointment in her face every month. We decided that maybe the time wasn't right...that we'd quit trying, let some time go by....focus on our careers and put some money in the bank....maybe go to see a "specialist" in a year or two.

So we totally quit trying. Two weeks later, she invited me out for a cheap dinner at our favorite little pub in the city after work. As we sat down at our table with a drink, she passed me a little envelope with a card in it. This is very typical in our relationship, so I thought nothing of it. I opened the card, and a stick of white paper fell out. With two blue lines on it. As I've mentioned, I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, so it took a moment for the significance of those two lines to sink in. Then all the blood in my body seemed to rush to my head, and I cried, and I kissed her, and we laughed & laughed & laughed.

We've pretty well been laughing ever since. The pregnancy seemed to sail by - she wasn't the least bit sick the whole time. We went to all of the Dr's appointments together, and held hands, and made jokes with the doctor, and stayed up late talking about how it was going to be when the baby came, and how the two of us could possibly be parents, and we laughed some more.

When she finally went into labour, she refused to believe it - she couldn't believe it was really happening; she thought she had a bit of indigestion, and that I was being overly dramatic. We were playing scrabble in our kitchen until one in the afternoon...got to the hospital about 3:30...and our beautiful daughter was born about 8pm. By the way - her means "peace" in my mother-in-law's language (my wife is from Papua New Guinea). One of our friends' daughter couldn't pronounce it, and called her Yoyo, and we sometimes call her that now.

My entire recollection of that wonderful day was the way my beautiful wife took everything in stride...the way we held hands during the contractions, and how we laughed and kissed in between them....and mostly how Senna did this amazing thing - she brought this beautiful, perfect, happy smiling crying baby into this world, with such good humour, and grace, and style. I had heard all the stories, and I fully expected her to shriek, and call me names, and probably hurt me...but there was none of that. That day forever changed the way I look at her; I am sort of in awe of her.

She will be a year old in a few weeks, and she has brought more joy to our lives than I ever would have expected. The perfect days seem to roll into each other, and my life is just this busy, blurry, beautiful impressionist painting full of hugs and kisses and playing and lullabies and dirty nappies and laughter and I have honestly never been so happy in my entire life.

Thanks, Sen. Happy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day, part 1: My Mom

2006-05-07T21:20:00.001-07:00

There is no way I could combine all the thoughts I have about this Mother's Day into one post, so I have to do this in two parts. Hope that's ok, Kara...

It's difficult for me, still, to write about my Mom. I started to write sort of a tribute to her, but it was getting pretty long, and it felt like more of a therapy session than a tribute, so I stopped, and I've had a hard time writing this. She was murdered in 1986, when I was 21 years old and she was 53. Even though it was 20 years ago, it still feels like yesterday, and hardly a day goes by when I don't miss her. But at the same time, I've really enjoyed thinking about her a lot over the past few weeks while trying to come up with a way to blog about her.

My Mom had such confidence in me. She knew that I could be anyone or do anything that I wanted in this life, and she instilled this into me when I was a teen-ager. She backed this up by her own example - my parents' relationship was really dysfunctional, and for a long time she was the slavishly devoted house-wife to an abusive drunken asshole. When I was 8, and she was 40, my father came home one night, hours late, roaring drunk, and demanding his dinner. My Mom came out and dumped it over his head. The next day she enrolled in community college and continued on to university - eventually earning her nursing degree, then her Master's degree, and building a successful career for herself from scratch, while basically raising 5 kids on her own.

Even though I was in a lot of trouble half the time growing up (and when you were in trouble with my Mom - you were in big trouble), she somehow never lost faith in me. I think that in a lot of ways, going through all those things made my Mom & I closer. I stayed with her for a few months after I got out of the Army, but I was anxious to go back out to California - to see a girl I had met out there, and to get a job, and otherwise make my fortune in the world. We had argued a bit about that, and I think she was unhappy that I was leaving again. She dropped me off at the airport, and we gave each other a fierce hug, and I said "Don't worry about me, Mom". She said, "I don't worry about you, Kev. You are the only one I don't worry about". That was the last time I saw her alive - she was killed a few months later.

For 20 years I've wished that we hadn't parted like that. I wish I hadn't been such a shit when I was a teenager. I wish she could have seen me grow up to be a responsible grown-up, with a good job, and a mortgage, and a good head on my shoulders. I wish she could have been there on my wedding day, and met my wife. I wish she could meet her grand-daughter. I wish a million things that just can never happen.

But I carry her around with me, always. I know - I've always known - that I can do anything I want to do in this life. And I know that I can change everything in my world if I don't like the way it's going - because my Mom set an example for me. I hope I can instill that same sense of self-confidence in my daughter. I hope I can set anywhere near the same sort of example. Sometimes when Yoyo looks at me a certain way, I swear I can see my mother's eyes in hers.

You just messed with the wrong little girl....

2006-05-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

So how much prison time would a forty-something-year old get for beating the crap out of a 6 year old, anyway?
Twice in the past few days, we've narrowly averted big trouble down at the old sand box in the park across the road. Our 11-month-old daughter loves to crawl around in (and eat) sand, so she is delightfully in her element - minding her own business, running her fingers through the little mounds of sand and making little cooing noises, when a gang of young toughs, ranging in age from 4 - 6 (I guess), swagger up looking for trouble. I knew they were bad news right away - they just had that look in their eyes, you know?
Unfortunately, Yoyo is the most trusting baby in the world, and she doesn't recognise that sort of look. She thought the boys wanted to play (she thinks everyone wants to play, all the time). So she looks up with a huge happy grin on her face to the boy nearest to her, and before I could jump up and run over to her rescue, the little prick throws two fistfuls of sand in my baby's face. He saw me barrelling over, and he recognised the look on my face right away - and took off like a scared rabbit.
Poor Yoyo didn't cry or anything - she just looked surprised that she suddenly had a mouthful of sand that she hadn't put there herself, and she seemed disappointed that the older kids didn't stick around to play with her.
The next day, we were in the sandpit again, and a different little mob of very-juvenile delinquents turned up, and I picked her up before anything bad went down (but they had that same evil look about them). Now I realise that kids will be kids, and little boys play differently than little girls, and that daddy won't always be there to bail her out of trouble....but I really, really wanted to smack that little bastard...

tagged...

2006-04-30T05:34:00.000-07:00

My mate CMIB dared me to relate six weird things about me that I haven't blogged about before:

1. I cry watching movies. And at the opera. And, if I'm in the car by myself & I hear song that just hits me...or during commercials for long-distance phone companies...shit like that. I cannot watch 5 minutes of the film "Of Mice & Men" without bawling my eyes out. I am a big sensitive pussy.

2. I used to be quite the little actor, and was in a lot of plays. I have been in about 50 plays; not in a long time, but I was quite serious about it back in the day. I auditioned for a part in the movie "My Bodyguard", which starred a young Matt Dillon, and was filmed in Chicago (my hometown) in '79 or so. I went & met the producers & director & all that - got a letter a few weeks later telling me I had a role in the film (yes!), and it all fell through somehow, and that was pretty much the end of my acting career.

3. I was a wrestler in high school. Maybe to make up for the shit I used to have to take for the drama stuff. I wasn't a good wrestler, but I was a wrestler goddamit...

4. I got kicked out of three high schools. Then dropped out and joined the Army. I was always in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing the wrong sort of thing - and I am not the type to try to weasel out of anything, so I always took the full brunt of every punishment.

I was in a fistfight in H.S. #1 (9th grade) and flattened a kid right as the dean and some policemen were walking out the door. Got arrested & everything. In H.S. #2, bought a joint from another kid across the street from school; a teacher saw the transaction & called me into the principal's office. I admitted it & was expelled. In H.S. #3, they put me in remedial classes because of my violent, drug-crazed history, and I had to sit through classes with kids who couldn't read and had tattoos on their necks, etc. - so I just quit going. And got kicked out again for truancy.

5. I can recite dozens of poems, and Simpsons episodes, by heart. "Jabberwocky", "Oh Captain My Captain", "The Walrus & the Carpenter", "Ozymondias", etc etc etc.

6. I am a karaoke whore. I think I sound just like Sinatra, and I act like I own the stage when I'm on it. Thank god I have an 11-month-old daughter so I don't really get out much anymore :)

Weird enough?

4 Day Weekends Rock

2006-04-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

We are lucky enough in Australia to get Good Friday and Easter Monday as public Holidays, and this year Anzac Day (http://www.awm.gov.au/commemoration/anzac/) fell on a Tuesday, so by taking just one personal day off work, I've managed to have two glorious 4-day weekends back-to-back.

We got to spend a lot more time with Yoyo - going to the park at least once a day; playing on swings; crawling around in the sandpit; having ice cream; blowing bubbles; having picnics....it's been sunny and warm for the last few weeks, too, so perfect weather has been the backdrop to all of these perfect days.

Yoyo has developed such a great personality. She has always been a happy baby, but now she is so much more interactive....she beams when one of us walks into a room (talk about an ego-boost).....she crawls over to be picked up, and then throws her arms around us to give us a cuddle or a big sloppy kiss....she nuzzles into my chest when we go outside to watch cars in the evening before bed, and when I tuck her in at night she throws her arm around her favorite stuffed animal (currently the Hippo) and goes to sleep with such an air of contentment. When my lovely wife and I pick her up together for a family hug, she loves to push my face into my wife's, and she laughs hilariously when we kiss, and she loves to do that over and over and over - none of us get tired of that game quickly.

For years, I've told the story of this one perfect day: I was walking along the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica, very pleasantly stoned off my face, as the school day was ending, and all of the children were walking along the footpath in their little uniforms, holding hands & smiling, with the perfect tropical-paradise views and smells and sounds of steel drums and reggae blaring from a hundred cheap AM radios, etc. I felt really content that day, but when I think of it now, it just strikes me as a bit lonely.

How cool is it that just about every day in the last several weeks has been better than the former "best day of my life"?

Life's too short...

2006-04-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

What's up with all the hating in the world? Has it always been this bad, or am I just getting more cranky about it in my old age?
Several of the blogs I visit regularly have apparently been inundated with hate mails, just because the bloggers have had the courage to write about what was on their mind....almost everybody on the roads seem to have serious anger management issues....half of the organisation I work for seems to hate the other half....the Middle East doesn't seem to be fast becoming the haven for peace and democracy that some people thought it was going to be....race riots in Sydney.....Solomon Islanders rioting....Nepal seems on the verge of a melt-down....Donald Rumsfeld still hasn't been driven out of Washington by mobs of angry, torch-wielding villagers....where's the love, people?
Granted, the Mid-East is a big, sticky problem with a lot of history and with different forces and competing interests at work...but how high-strung do you have to be to lose your lunch when someone merges into your lane, no matter how lousy they drive? Why would you take the time to dump shit on someone just because they voiced an opinion you didn't like on their own blog? Why can't people just assume that the person in the next cubicle is probably just trying to do the best they can to the extent of their experience and abilities? Why can't we all just get along???
Please do something about it, folks. Be nice to someone that you really don't care about. Be polite to people who appear to be a bit idiotic. Let somebody trying to get into your lane into the stupid lane already. What does it cost you? I'm convinced that the only way to make the world a better place is to just be a little bit nicer to the people next to you. I know - it sounds sappy and trite and 60's. But please try it anyway.
End of rant.

I guess that this must be the place...

2006-04-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had to be in to work very early, had a very busy morning, and was feeling like rat-shit by 2pm, so I told the boss I was taking off (much to his displeasure, but hey - I'd already done my 8.5 hrs, and I work for the government).
The wife was working from home, so I surprised her by getting home so early, and we picked up Yoyo from childcare, and she just had this really great excited, happy look on her face because she hadn't expected to see us so early.
We went to the park across the street, and played on the swing (which she loves - though it scares the hell out of the wife), and we played in the sand-pit, and then went for an ice cream. It was a gorgeous afternoon, and lots of other kids in the park with their parents, and there was just a really great vibe. As we walked home, the late afternoon sun lit up the front of our new (to us) house like it was bathed in a soft golden light....it was just one of those moments. Sen & I put our arms around each other while we pushed the pram and it really felt like magic.
I hope my boss isn't too pissed off...but whatever the cost - it was worth it.

Home is where the heart is - and where the furniture aint...

2006-04-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

We are all moved in to our new house....exciting times!
The move went pretty well - we spent several days before the "move day" packing up and getting ready, and we'd hired movers to do all the heavy lifting on the day, so there weren't too many surprises. Although it absolutely pissed down with rain on the day, and the moving guys & I got pretty drenched....and the washing machine doesn't fit in the cupboard it is supposed to go in....but other than that - it's all good.
We are really enjoying the new place....Yoyo just loves it - she was pretty much restricted to the lounge room in the old place, but now she has free run of most of the house, and she scurries around from one room to the next like a mad cockroach...
We couldn't afford a new house and new furniture, so the place looks a bit empty at the moment. I've lectured my lovely wife on my opinion that we should definitely not just buy some cheap stuff that we can afford right now, just to fill up the house - I'd rather sit on cushions and have dinner on the floor until we can afford to get something nice. I think that when you buy that $350 dining room set, just to have something, you have a tendency to not go out and replace it with something nice - it's no longer a priority. So three years down the track, you're eating dinner on a 3-year old dining set that was a piece of crap to begin with...
We did splash out on a really nice outdoor furniture set - a huge kwila table with 8 chairs, and cushions, and a box to store the cushions in and a drinks cart....we plan on entertaining in the backyard a bit...of course, for our first day in the new place we had to sit on the floor in the loungeroom eating our dinner and watching all of our lovely new outdoor furniture get soaked in the rain...oh well - priorities, eh?
Hope you are well!

Time flies when your having fun...

2006-03-23T15:32:00.000-08:00

March, 2006 may just go down in history as the fastest month ever. I swear, the last time I looked up, it was Valentines' Day, and here it is practically April. It's all been goodness, but jeez it goes quick.
We move into the new house next week. I hate moving - something about packing everything into boxes just brings out the petulant little boy in me. I want no part of it. I want to go for a long motorcycle ride, or go drink beer in a dingy pub, or go sit in the park staring at clouds until it is all over.
Luckily, my lovely wife is uber-organised, and she loves the whole logistical exercise involved. She's already got boxes and packing tape, and organised the movers, and has everything planned down to the day, and all of the expenses budgeted....it's moments like these that I thank my lucky stars that I had the good sense to marry her.
The baby is great - she's really developed a rich vocabulary of sounds now. Her official first word: "Bye Bye", which includes the little wave. She has also discovered that she has a tongue, and that it can be used to make all sorts of interesting noises. Her Grandma & Grandad will be visiting us over Easter, and they are going to be floored by how much she's developed since Christmas.
Well, just thought I'd blog. I hope that you are doing well - take good care of yourself!

I have become such a worrier.....

2006-03-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

It's been an exciting time in the IFLYG household...
We are in the process of buying a house, which is sort of terrifying the hell out of me. It's a beautiful old house, in a great neighborhood - close to a park and a primary school and shops and transportation, etc. I really love the idea of Yoyo growing up here, and would feel that she was relatively safe in the area. Of course, it isn't cheap, so I have been coming to grips with the monster mortgage that we are about to sign up for, and we are in a sort of nervous daze as we go through all the actions.
To complicate matters, I have to apply for my job. I have been working as a contractor (been here for two years on a six-month contract so far) but the role is being advertised full-time. So if I am successful in applying for it - I will have to take a substantial pay-cut. If I am not successful - I will be unemployed with a huge mortgage. The beautiful wife has a pretty good job, but wouldn't be able to pay for the new house on just her income....so I am biting my nails a bit..... Hopefully it all works out....

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T22:10:00.000-08:00

2006-02-13T03:49:00.000-08:00

Kisses

Do you remember your first kiss?

2006-02-12T15:37:00.000-08:00

Jenny kiss'd me when we met, Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad, Say that health and wealth have miss'd me,
Say I'm growing old, but add, Jenny kiss'd me.
Leigh Hunt (1784-1859)

Yoyo gave me a kiss over the weekend! I am still amazed and absolutely thrilled by it. It's been a long, long time since a kiss had that sort of effect on me....no offence, Lovely Wife.
Yoyo is just over 8months old now, and is an accomplished crawler with a natural inclination to destroy things. She isn't really talking yet, although she understands several words, like "milk" "mommy" "daddy", and apparently "kiss".
The lovely wife was out with some friends on Saturday, and they were trying to get our daughter to kiss their son for a photo. "Give him a kiss, Yoyo! Give him a little kiss...". It took a bit of prodding, but she eventually leaned forward and gave him a nice little smooch. It made for a cute photo (I'll post it later), and of course I was proud because she is getting so smart.
On Sunday, I took the baby grocery shopping (as usual; Lovely Wife has a habit of spending way too much money and not really stocking the fridge when she goes, so I do the groceries). We had the usual fun time in the supermarket - I tickle her feet, and she sings to me, and I let her touch different things as we walk up and down the aisles, and we both smile and laugh a lot. She's a chick-magnet (Yoyo is the cutest baby, ever), so we always get to chat with all of the women in the store, so we both usually leave in a good mood.
As I was carrying her back to the car, apropo of nothing, she grabbed my shirt by both shoulders, leaned in and planted a big sloppy kiss right on my mouth. She did it so sweetly, so unexpectedly, so deliberately and nice - I'm still all choked up just thinking about it now.
Being a parent is so fucking great....

Busy Busy Busy

2006-02-05T13:57:00.000-08:00

Haven't had time to post in a while; I've been under the pump at work, we are trying to buy a house, we've had people staying with us....yada yada yada....
It's all good though, of course. Yoyo has her first cold - she's been really fussy and her head is all stuffed up. There's really not much we can do about it (at least according to the books we've read & the people we've talked to), so we are just offering our support & trying to help her through it. Poor little sausage....
I've been trying to teach her to say "Daddy". She's definitely got the "da da da" thing going, and she has even looked right at me and said "Da da!" a couple of times. But then she looks right at her ball and says "Da da!", and Winnie the Pooh is also apparently "Da da!", and she's even called the lovely wife "Da da"....so I'm not getting too excited.
She does know "bye bye" now though. We had a funny little episode last night: Yoyo has a complicated little toy that takes around 45 "D" batteries and talks to her, teaching her the ABC's and differentiating between the sounds of cats, dogs, walruses, etc. One of the many features of this toy is that, after it has sat idle for a few minutes, it says "bye bye" and powers itself off.
Yoyo had been playing with this toy as I made dinner last night, but had become bored with it and was busying herself pulling all of the laces out of my shoes when from across the room, her toy said "Bye bye!" and Yoyo spun around to wave goodbye to it.
We were once again blown away....I guess you have to be a parent to appreciate it....
Kids rock....

She's Got the Look...

2006-01-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

Well, we've discovered that our 7 month old girl has a weapon of mass destruction. I hope she doesn't realise she has it, because we are both defenseless against it, and if she is able to master it's use we are destined to a lifetime of slavery and buying ponies and anything else that she wants.
Let me explain: We went shopping for a rug for our living room yesterday, and we were pretty intent on finding the right one. We'd been going back and forth between three different shops, checking each design, and comparing textures and price and all that. Yoyo was happy enough to sit in her stroller playing with her toy, singing away, so we weren't paying that much attention to her. We'd been looking for about an hour, when, in one of the shops, I found a fluffy little sheepskin mini-rug. I jokingly told the wife "Hey, we should get this for Yoyo". We handed it to the baby, who looked at it, petted it and laughed (she laughs at just about everything), and then she looked up at us with the most angelic, joyful, full-of-love look that I've ever seen in my life. My wife and I both spontaneously burst into tears - and my lovely wife NEVER cries at ANYTHING.
As we left the store, lovely wife laughed - "Where the fuck did THAT come from?".
Now I am a shameless sook - I cry at movies, weddings, the opera, football games...but LW is usually a stoic. OK, she has been known to very occasionally cry at certain times of the month for inexplicable reasons (burnt toast, the fact that I just don't listen, etc)....but those moments have been few and far between, and at the risk of sounding insensitive - I think we can safely attribute those tears to some sort of weird hormonal activity.
But she never cries for the sort of reasons most normal people do. We've sat through absolute tear-jerkers ("Of Mice and Men", for example) where everybody in the theatre was clutching their tissues, and she'd sit there munching her popcorn oblivious to what the rest of us were feeling. And then she'd use it as conversation fodder the next time my friends were around for a BBQ.
But our little girl has this look...

And...she's off!!

2006-01-11T17:46:00.000-08:00

What a busy week it's been!
Yoyo started crawling on Monday evening. She had been making all the right moves, and she had the starting position down pat, but she just couldn't put all the actions together at the same time. Actually, she was moving around - she would get on hands and knees and push herself backwards, or she would sort of slip and slide sideways and eventually get to where she wanted to go...but, on Monday night....as we sat in her room watching...she CRAWLED FORWARD. There was much rejoicing and clapping of hands in the IFLYG household.
My lovely wife is re-joining the work-force next week, so it is with a lot of mixed emotions that we are putting Yoyo into daycare. She had her first visit yesterday, and had a great play in the morning, but there were a few tears when she woke up from her mid-day nap. I left work early, to see how she was doing, and boy, was she glad to see me. She grabbed ahold of me and gave me a huge hug. The ladies at the child-care place are very nice, and they said that she'd actually had a pretty good day despite the tears, and said that she's crawling and pulling herself up very well...
This was news to me - she's pulling herself up? I sat on the floor of the daycare centre and put her on the floor next to me, and she put one hand on my knee and the other on my arm, and effortlessly stood up. Oh my god! You could have knocked me over with a feather. She crawled for the first time on Monday, and by Wednesday she's standing up by herself. She's just over 7 months old! 4 weeks ago, she was just learning how to roll from her back to her tummy and back again. Everyone says they grow up so quickly, but Jeez! She'll be riding a bicycle by the end of the weekend....
Lovely wife is struggling a little bit with the whole "going back to work" scenario. I feel pretty sad about it, too. But we want to send her to a nice school someday, and save some money for number 2 (and hopefully 3...), so until that Lottery pays off, I can't see another option. If Yoyo absolutely hates it, we'll have to re-examine our options. We are both quietly confident that she'll be fine - she was passed around between family and friends over the holidays like a joint at Woodstock, and it didn't phase her a bit.
But we're still a little sad...c'mon Lotto!!!!

2006-01-10T04:11:00.000-08:00

YoYo

My First Meme!!

2006-01-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

I've been "tagged" by Chocolate Makes it Better, apparently. Am I using these terms correctly? Jeez, I feel like a total Luddite sometimes. I didn't even really know what a Meme was - I had to look it up on Wikepedia:

The term meme ([miːm] in the IPA; rhymes with "dream"; from the Greek word mimema for 'something imitated') often refers to any piece of information passed from one mind to another. In this sense, it relates closely to the academic study of folklore, in that folkloristics deals with the informal communication of cultural information.

I think I'm supposed to pass it on to five people, etc - but I don't even know five people with blogs (at least, not well enough to ask them to play along), so I'll be breaking the chain. I suppose this means 7 years' bad luck or something, but there ya go...

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was living in Omaha Nebraska, working in my first management role in a multi-national IT/ Finance company. I'd moved from Los Angeles back to the mid-west after the LA riots (Rodney King & all that), and was trying to get used to the bitter cold & snow again...

What were you doing one year ago?
My lovely wife was 4 months pregnant, we were living in Brisbane, and we'd just returned from a round-the-world trip to the northern hemisphere in winter. We went to Chicago, Maryland, Pennsylvania, London, and Vienna. I was trying to introduce my lovely wife to the concept of "bitter cold & snow". She promised before we left that she wouldn't complain about the weather, and God bless her - she never did (although I know she was shocked & rocked by the cold).

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Pate, cheese & crackers
2. Fresh baked bread with virgin olive oil & vinegar...mmm....
3. Gummi Bears, gummi worms, gummi babies....anything gummi. I have a problem.
4. Proscuitto & melon.
5. Smoked ham from the deli, stealing a slice, then another, then another....

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Lots & lots....I'll try to name a variety:
1. The Lady is a Tramp, by Frank Sinatra (I am a karaoke whore)
2. Papa was a Rolling Stone, by Sly & the Family Stone
3. Jump in the Line, by Harry Belafonte
4. London Calling, The Clash
5. Gangsta Gangsta, N.W.A

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Quit work
2. Ask lovely wife to quit work
3. Buy perfect house close to beach
4. Buy deep-sea fishing boat
5. Live happily ever after

Five bad habits:
1. Biting my fingernails
2. Smoking (will quit Real Soon Now. Again.)
3. Occasional self-doubt. Very occasional, but it pisses me off when I'm not confident.
4. I've got a tendency to pout if I don't get my way. Or so I'm told.
5. BWI. Blogging While Intoxicated.

Five things I like doing
1. Playing with lovely wife & daughter
2. Cooking/ Making things from scratch (bread, pasta, pizza - Jeez, Chocolate Makes it Better: the similarities are freaking me out a little bit!)
3. Long rides on my motorcycle on an empty, winding road on a gorgeous Queensland day.*
4. Drinking beer with a bunch of friends at a pub on a lazy summer Saturday afternoon with nothing else to do for the rest of the day.*
5. Fishing. I don't know what I'm doing, but love it, and I reckon I've got the rest of my life to get good enough to actually catch fish.
( * never happens anymore)

Five things you would never wear or buy again.
1. Parachute pants.
2. A Toyota RAV4 (Lovely wife just had to have it. Shoulda put my foot down.)
3. Dominos pizza. Ugh.
4. A mullet.
5. Short-sleeved work shirts & ties. Please shoot me if I ever convince myself that this is a good look.

My favorite toys
1. Our baby's Jolly Jumper. Best toy ever.
2. Playstation
3. Motorcycle.
4. iPod
5. Fishing gear.

Alas, there ends this line of questioning, and I'll not be passing this on to five other bloggers...but thanks for inviting me to play, CMIB!!

We're all doomed...

2006-01-04T03:53:00.000-08:00

A million souls screamed out in pain –
A disturbance in the force;
My heart was filled with mortal dread,
And my blood began to course

The missus almost missed it,
We were both to shocked to speak;
Her nipples tensed in mortal fear,
My pulse became so weak

Nothing, anywhere, will ever be the same,
We’re all doomed, and that’s the truth.
God help us all, my dear old friends:
My daughter has a tooth.

Bring it on, 2006!

2006-01-03T04:07:00.000-08:00

2005 was a Dickens of a year - the best of times & the worst of times.

My daughter was born at the end of May, and my brother died the beginning of November.

I know there were lots of other important things that went on, like war, earthquakes, tsunamis, more war, hurricanes, etc - but those were certainly the high & low points for me. I guess it will go down in the story of my life as a year in which I felt a lot of things. Great joy...great pain. I've also been thinking a lot of things. Will I be a good father? Could I have prevented my brother from killing himself? Why does the world seem to be increasingly full of hate? How can I stop this baby from crying? Why do people kill each other in the name of god? Do I really like what I do for a living? How can Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton be popular? What the fuck is going on, anyway?

I am afraid that I don't have the strength of my convictions. I consider everything sooo carefully, at the expense of action. I like to think that I am an empathetic guy - I can always see both sides of any argument. Unfortunately, this often prevents me from taking sides, and I end up feeling, and thinking, and not really acting. Or, at least, not as much as I want to.

I don't mean to whinge - I have been very successful, and have lots of very great friends, and a lovely wife, and a beautiful daughter, and I live in a great house, eat well, drink much too well, and have most of the things that I want. But somehow, tonight, it doesn't feel like enough. I haven't done enough. I can do so much more.

A few months before my brother killed himself, he sent me a quote from Nelson Mandela:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be?
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are born to manifest the glory of the spirit that is within us, and as we let our own light shine, we actually unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

That has been haunting me, for a lot of reasons. Mostly because I know that it's true - for me, anyway. And because my brother was struggling with this sort of thing, and then he checked himself out. That's fucked me up quite a bit.

But in this New Year, I really, really want to "manifest the glory of the spirit" that's inside of me. As much as I hate trying to make New Years resolutions - I know that I need to ease up on the feeling and thinking a little bit, and start letting that little voice inside me direct me more.

That little voice constantly tells me to love everyone, without reservation or judgement, to try my best at everything, and then to try harder.

Wish me luck.

I wonder what's so funny...

2005-12-07T18:14:00.000-08:00

My baby laughs her little head off...
She is 6 months old, and very switched on. She used to laugh when we tickled her; now she just laughs at whatever she thinks is funny, which seems to be most things: when daddy makes a funny face, when mummy blows rasberries at her, when the wind blows through the trees...
She seems to be having a pretty good life, so far. When she wakes up, she looks at us and gets this great big cheeky smile on her dial, like we are old friends that she hasn't seen in ages. Then, of course, she must be fed, so she gets a bit serious til mummy makes with the milk...but then it's party time, and hilarity ensues.
I don't think I've ever heard a better sound.

I miss him

2005-11-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

My newest excuse for not having posted for a while - my younger brother committed suicide two weeks ago. God, I hate just typing those words.
He was such a great guy - I miss him so much. I flew back from Brisbane to Pennsylvania for the funeral, and was back to work in less than two weeks....between the jet lag, shock, and grief the time has slipped past in a fog. I'm not sure how effective I am back here at the office, but the baby needs nappies, so Daddy's gotta work....
I'll never understand why he did that. He had everything going for him, and he certainly seemed happy. I can't help thinking that he probably wishes he had that moment of insanity back, to try it again without putting the gun to his head. Unfortunately, you don't get a lot of "do-overs" in this life. Just a tip for all you kids out there: Don't drink & play with guns.
As terribly sad as the last few weeks have been, I am that much more committed to loving life. I hope I never feel like checking out early. I hope you don't either.
Love,
Kev

Wow, it's more difficult than I thought!

2005-10-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

I assumed that I'd flit in every now and then, making some wry observation or a deeply meaningful commentary on life, the universe, etc - but it's been over a month since I started this blog & I'm starting to realise how difficult it is to keep up. Part of the problem has been reading all of these other really talented and interesting people's blogs, and feeling completely at a loss when I then think about writing anything. And of course, working full-time, taking care of our 5-month old baby, looking for a new house, and trying to generally stay sane takes a fair amount of time...

It Begins...

2005-07-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

Since this is my first foray into this fine new medium, I suppose it's customary to say a few words.
I've no idea what my blog will turn into...whether I'll keep it up, whether anyone else will ever see it, whether it will be funny, or disturbing, or serious, or comprehensible. But right now, at this exact moment in time, I have nothing but good intentions and high hopes. This will be the start of something life-changing, something bigger than both of us...this will always be the moment I look back to and say "Starting that blog is when it all really began to come together for me...".
It's a beautiful, funny, poignant, exciting, fucked up world. I'd be proud if, in years to come, somebody used the same words to describe my blog.